Do you even know how many people think Valentines Day is a sham? I mean really. I’m so glad that there are all those ooshy gooshy people who love each other oh so much; but, why on earth does there have to be a holiday devoted to making singles abundantly aware they are single? Some of us think we enjoy being single until February comes around and, through the power of manipulation of society and our media, makes us feel like poo. What a load of hooey. It’s not fair to the psyche of those married or single. The pressure of finding the perfect card, the perfect flowers, the perfect candy, the perfect ring… it’s all a cliché. Why conform? Do you want to know what the holiday that promotes itself with the colors of venereal disease really is? Let’s find out the truth behind the lovey dovey holiday:
When Rome was founded, it was nothing more than a vast wilderness among seven hills. As shepherds watched their flocks, they feared the packs of wolves sniffing away in the distance for a lamb chop. One of the Roman gods was Lupercus, watcher of flocks. In honor of the god, and in the hopes for more protection from the wolves, Romans held a great pagan feast every February and called it the Lupercalia. Because the calendar was different back then, February came later in the spring. Some historians today believed other of the gods honored was Faunus or Pan, who also guarded herds and crops. Records show that Mark Antony even chose Lupercalia in the year of 44 BCE as the time to offer Julius Caesar the crown.
According to Roman legend, this is the same day Romulus and Remus founded Rome. You know, the ones nursed by a she-wolf? Anyway, in Latin Lupus is the word for wolf.
Point 1: Those who celebrate VD are really celebrating the ancient Roman worship of a naked faun playing a lute OR the celebration of infant boys suckling the nipples of a she wolf. Pretty picture, eh?
The month of February was named after an ancient ritual at that time of year involving youths of noble births running through the streets in goat skin thongs called februa. Young women would gather in the streets in the hopes they would get lashed by the februa; the lashing was called februatio. This lashing was supposed to make them better able to bear children.
Point 2: Those who celebrate VD are also celebrating the actions of naked Roman boys flogging little girls in the streets with their underwear.
In 269 CE, the Emperor Claudius (also called Claudius the Cruel) summoned the citizens to go forth in battle. After a year of fighting, many Romans were unwilling to go. Husbands didn’t want to leave their wives and boys didn’t want to leave their sweethearts. Claudius was so disturbed by the Romans’ unwillingness to fight that he
decreed that all engagements be broken off immediately. A priest named Valentine felt bad about the whole ordeal and married a young couple in secret despite the direct order of the Emperor. The secret didn’t stay quiet long and Claudius had the priest dragged from the temple and thrown into the dungeon; on February 14, the priest Valentine died.
Point 3: Those who celebrate VD are celebrating the condemnation and death of a priest.
So there you have it, folks. Doesn’t it sound like a fabulous day to celebrate? Unless your idea of a good time is wandering naked on the Palatine Hill while sacrificing fatty animals to a pantheon of angry gods, or sucking on the nipples of she-wolves while being flogged by goatskin thongs, or applauding the actions of a Tyrannical ruler for ordering a priest to be assaulted and then left to die in a dank dungeon, I suggest you think twice before making such a huge deal about a pagan holiday completely transformed by the media in order to manipulate society and make money; instead, show your loved ones you care EVERY DAY. You shouldn’t need a ridiculous holiday to remind you.