Fidelity, schmidelity

I’m a Christian. No, really. Didn’t you know that? Wasn’t it noticable?


I find it amazing how difficult it is to remain faithful to God. And maybe it shouldn’t be amazing. I mean, he calls me to be perfect, even as he is perfect, and that’s then the only way to be faithful to him. But then–how exactly am I supposed to do that?

In fact, I can’t. Odd, isn’t it, but fidelity to God is impossible for any of us to maintain. And yet that’s the standard we are called to meet–unswerving fidelity. This has been the touchstone of my musings, lately. I’ve been meditating on what exactly our infidelity amounts to, exactly how deep it runs. You might find that odd, but I really want to know how depraved I am so that I can better understand the depths of God’s faithfulness to me.

To us.

I’ve been writing on this lately–a journey into faithfulness–well, actually, better to say a journey into gratitude and dependency on God’s faithfulness and mercy.

The irony of all this is that I think–and arguments for this are forthcoming (how’s that for a promisory note?)–that so-called ‘infidels’ of the spiritual sort are never unfaithful. I’m thinking that by definition we are infidels, and by definition they are not.

Odd, that. I’ll be posting thoughts here as the trek proceeds.


2 thoughts on “Fidelity, schmidelity

  1. Bonnie,
    Hi. Yes, trying to be good is a bitch, ain’t it? But worth it, methinks. This perfection of God… rather beyond human understanding, but that does not mean I stop trying to understand it. Just like it means that I never stop trying to be better. Not that I am not good enough. I am. I am perfect just as I am in this moment. I have faith that all is well in the universe, regardless of how crazy and random and cold and unjust it may seem. The universe (“one song”) is just that. It is all one song. As I am a tiny, tiny part of the perfect universe, I am perfect. I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggonit!- People like me.
    Great. Now what? Just wallow in the glory of my perfection? That’s one way to do it, I suppose. But if I sit long enough, I die. And the monkey part of me does not want to do that. Monkey wants to live. And UberMonkey (individual soul) is fine either way- dead or alive- but would just as soon be alive, provided my living is not overly painful to my fellow beings.
    And so I continue on, in the knowledge that it is futile, it is utterly absurd- this notion of perfection. Unattainable. No person has ever achieved it, and no person ever shall reach the top of the spiritual mountain. Fine. As long as I can recognize the absurdity and see it for what it is, I am free to continue striving, full-well knowing that it is but a silly game.
    But I like games. Games are fun. So re-spawn and keep plugging away, trying to reach the final boss. (Please excuse the video game reference.) It is worth playing, but not to be taken too seriously. That is where I always get into trouble- getting too serious about all this nonsense.
    I am a Jesuit, but not a Christian. I tell you this, just FYI. Was Christian, and for real, in the capital C way. Born again, a true believer, etc. At about 21 I had an epiphany and subsequently rejected notions of faith and God as childishness and fantasy. I happily threw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.
    Well, eventually I had to come back around and go out looking for the baby. Indestructible little bugger- he never even knew I threw him out in the first place. So, when I was ready to stop being so damned rigid in my thinking, there was my faith again. Only this time not Jesus flavored. More like cherry cola. OK, not really like cherry cola- just being silly.
    Fast forward through my life story- just make up whatever missing details- and I now consider myself a buddhist and an atheist. Buddhist in the sense that I have found a philosophical home in eastern thought. Probably more like “a westerner’s understanding of eastern thought.” And atheist in the sense that I don’t think there is a dude. You know- the big guy on the white throne or whatever. But there is a spiritual element to the universe because we say so.
    Wow, what a “comment.”
    Incidentally, I have quit school for the fall- not the best decision I have ever made- but will return asap to finish my BA. And then… I don’t know. I really don’t at this point. I would very much like to have the answer in this regard. But I don’t. Honestly, I am rather disappointed at the moment. I had thought that I had found a career path. I am not sure that one exists for me. At least not in the sense of mapping it out ahead of me. Looking back, I can see the path, certainly. Pity the white male in the richest country on the planet with time to sit around thinking about such notions. My life ain’t so bad. Be good.


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