research grant

I think you’ll notice by now I’m not writing much here nowadays. No time. Now I’m trying to actually write the dissertation, in the middle of crazy, nagging health issues, it’s busy here.

But for those of you who knew anything about recent endeavors, here’s the news.

The Purdue Research Foundation (PRF) offers sundry research fellowships for varying periods of time. I was granted one (to which I didn’t even apply) for last summer, which I heartily appreciated (it enabled me to get a lot of work done on my prospectus that I’d not have had time to do were I teaching all summer, as was the previous plan).

Along with 60 other doctoral candidates in the School of Liberal Arts (SLA), 15 of which were in my department, I applied for the highly competitive PRF research fellowship for 2008-2009. I hoped, but didn’t see probabilities in my favor.

20 people in the SLA got fellowships. Two of these people were in my department. And somehow, I was one of the two. Wow.

I see it like a sabbatical, actually. A time to focus on writing exclusively. I’ll have a whole year off teaching wherein I can work on finishing my dissertation. So now you know.

M.A.A.B.D.

That’s what I should put after my name.

Woo – hoo, I’ve defended! (and successfully, at that)

Now on to chapter 1.

For either of my readers who might care

It’s been a year this month, which explains the web absence. Key observations of the winter thus far:

• being a good neighbor is a sure-fire way to experience a sexual threat and a break in, if you live in north Lafayette.
• one can’t do much on the computer without a mouse.
• break ins are terrifying.
• when the weather moves from a breezeless 45 to 8 with 40 mph winds, it is insanely cold.
• Hashimoto’s is not just for breakfast any more (though synthroid will be for the rest of my life).
• when you get out of town, your troubles truly do reduce back to a managable size.
• a good friend is the one who challenges you to live authentically, even if you’re terrified to do so.
• and a good friend will stand by you when you decide to take the plunge into authenticity, despite the fear.
• more people see into you than you know: they’re not surprised by what you reveal, nor do they condemn you for being human. In fact, it’s amazing how supportive true friends can be.
• I’m blessed with true friends in places I didn’t know I had them.
• Jesus loves me.
• a lot.
• it’s very hard to sleep whilst your cat yodels.
• Rozerem takes a while to kick in.
•  writing a prospectus sucks.
• a lot.
• the prospect of having it defended in ten days is not as heart-lightening as one would hope.
• when you run out of energy and motivation, you’ve truly got nothing.
• my cat is lonely and loudly complains about it.
• a lot.
• maybe that’s why the Rozerem isn’t kicking in so fast.
• maybe that’s why I don’t have any energy and motivation.
• people are people, regardless gender, creed, nationality, race, sexual orientation, or disability. And they’re all created in God’s image.
• God doesn’t have just a single blueprint for us all to follow: he created a body with diverse parts, so it follows that he created a diverse set of blueprints.
• it’s not only unfair but irrational to expect every person to fit into one blueprint.
• but many do anyway.
• in fact, we generally tend to cram ourselves into the blueprints we’ve been told we’re supposed to fit into, instead of spending time discerning how we were created to function.
• people are frightened by unfamiliar blueprints.
• some cysts hurt.
• a lot.
• having a blood test can cause one’s arm to get a huge yellow bruise that hurts.
• a lot.
• Purdue has a really good pharmacy with a very decent copay.
• and the student health center is amazing.
• so are the doctors.
• insomnia and caffeine can raise your blood pressure.
• a lot.
• and that can worry your doctor.
• a lot.
• but that doesn’t mean you have high blood pressure–just that you need sleep.
• a lot.
• Rozerem takes a while to kick in.
• meyow.
• meyow.
• meyow.
• meyow.
• meyow.
• when there’s a huge rainstorm being predicted by the weather team, believe them.
• windshield wipers get snarled up in each other during a torrent.
• never judge the caliber of students you’ll have by the time of day you’re scheduled to teach them.
• I actually do know a thing or two about epistemology.
• just not a lot.

C is for Cookie

NPR Weekend Edition Sunday interviewed Cookie Monster today (who, by the way, is still a cookie monster, not a veggie tale, cf. Snopes).

You really want to see the video of him answering the Proust interview, linked right under the photo.

So this is what’s been bothering me about the religiousity of recent American politics!

I don’t totally agree with this article, but it puts a finger on the pulse of the frightening problem overtaking our politics, nowadays. Somewhere in the past decade or two our elected leaders decided to become our ‘prophets’ (profits?). Somewhere in the past decade or two our citizenry decided thinking for itself was too tiresome, and that we wanted to be told what to believe. Somewhere in the past decade or two we mastered the discipline of forgetting, such that even though Scripture says we should stone false prophets to death, we nowadays re-elect them because they tickle our ears with what we want to hear. And somewhere in the past decade or two, we forgot that the meaning of freedom of religion is freedom to worship (like all the milk cartons once proudly claimed) as we each see fit. Now we are supposed to worship only as our elected prophets see fit, and if we don’t, well, that’s totally un-American.

I’m not ordering in any stones or anything, but I sure would like some sense knocked into us before we become a full-fledged theocracy—serving the amorphous god of the moment, the god whichever politico in power sells us as endorsing his (her) ambitions as gospel.

Here’s the article—

Politicians wield faith as weapon

Danny Westneat

Seattle Times staff columnist

  David Domke is married to a Presbyterian minister. Suffice to say he hears a lot of God-talk in his life.But to his ears, the way politics sounds like a sermon these days is jarring. And unprecedented. Candidates for president invoke the Bible incessantly. Hillary Clinton effuses about “prayer chains.” Mitt Romney’s campaign is consumed by questions of faith. Mike Huckabee’s TV ads label him, bluntly, a “Christian leader.”What’s the top issue in national politics right now? It’s not war. It’s who believes.

It’s like we’re electing the Pastor of the United States.

So Domke, a UW communications professor, wants everyone to know: This isn’t normal. Historically speaking. In fact it’s downright un-American.

“This is as far into the realm of religion as American politics has ever gone, at least in the modern era,” he says.

Domke’s got a new book out called “The God Strategy: How Religion Became a Political Weapon in America.”

I called him when I saw the word “weapon” in the title.

I don’t mind some political faith talk — the nods to a higher power, the appeals to the better angels. But lately I’ve felt bludgeoned. It’s not only the quantity. The tenor feels different.

Domke looked at more than 15,000 presidential messages back to 1932 — speeches, platforms, proclamations. He found a huge jump in the use of faith language, starting in 1980 and ramping up in intensity under George W. Bush.

More telling is the change in tone he noticed. When politicians of old invoked the Lord, they tended to do so as “petitioners,” those seeking God’s blessing or guidance.

Now, they’re likely to be telling us what God wants. As if they’re prophets. Such as when Bush said we’ll win the war on terror because “God is not neutral” in it. Or when Romney said freedom was dependent on belief in God.

It isn’t that these guys are closer to God than, say, Jimmy Carter was. It’s that they’re using faith as a calculated political tool. It energizes some voters. But the effect is also to divide.

“It was one thing when a politician would ask God to watch over us. Now it’s that we’re the instruments of God,” Domke says. “It’s cultural religious war talk. It’s a very dangerous shift.”

And the solution?

I used to believe in John F. Kennedy’s answer, that faith was personal and “the separation of church and state should be absolute.”

No more. It’s a fantasy in today’s climate. Many politicians cast votes or craft policies — some of them disastrous — based on religious beliefs.

So now faith to me is like a candidate’s tax or health-care plan. It’s something to be vetted. Debated. Truth-squadded.

I want to know from the would-be presidents: What are your specific beliefs? How far will you take them?

Yes, this means more God-talk, not less. It’s also not exactly what the founders had in mind — there’s supposed to be ”no religious test” for office.

Tough. Candidates are the ones putting faith into politics, for their own ends. If they don’t like being scrutinized about it, they can take it back out.

Danny Westneat’s column appears Wednesday and Sunday.
Reach him at 206-464-2086 or
 
  dwestneat@seattletimes.com.

The Stalker Song

I’m just sitting here this morning, putting together a reading packet for next spring’s PHIL 110 (trying to organize a course in a new way and by making  reader that will cost students far less than any textbook would). (By the way, this is a laborious process!)

Anyhow, this song comes up on my LaunchCast. And I think, hey! How apropos to my life right now. Though I’m certain I’m not the first one to catch this (nor, now I think on’t is it the first time I thought this). Add oddity to irony, and I must admit I do like this song nonetheless. Though it’s got a twinge of the creep factor. Here are the lyrics.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you

Oh, can’t you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you

Since you’ve gone, I been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please…

Oh, can’t you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every breath you take

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you

Every move you make
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you

I’ll be watching you
I’ll be watching you
I’ll be watching you
I’ll be watching you…

The Sound of an Abused Chick

“Bonjee, Bonjee! I’m scared of the storm! Can I stay in here, tonight—with you?”

“Oh, what’s a little weather?”

“Oh, Bonjee! I’m scared! And look, here come my zillion and one siblings, who are also frightened but too full of bravado to admit it!”

“Ha ha, you silly children! It’s only December in Lafayette!”

<swell of music>

Blizzards and ice storms and car wrecks and snowdrifts,

Childish behavior that leaves everyone miffed,

Juvenile stalkers and helpless police,

Such things obstruct promised holiday peace!

When the words cut, when the deeds harm,

When you’re overwhelmed,

Remember December comes but once a year—

And soon it will go away!

Being ineptly misplaced while needing urgent care,

Then ignored for two hours while losing much blood there,

Returning with medics who get quick release,

Such things obstruct promised holiday peace!

When the words cut, when the deeds harm,

When you’re overwhelmed,

Remember December comes but once a year—

And soon it will go away!

A grad rep who cares about only his own good,

And works towards a hostile workplace neighborhood,

Cursing, belittling, showing caprice,

Such things obstruct promised holiday peace!

When the words cut, when the deeds harm,

When you’re overwhelmed,

Remember December comes but once a year—

And soon it will go away!

A punk who bangs loudly at night on your front door,

Throwing iced snowballs as if it’s some encore,

Taking the porch light to make fear increase,

Such things obstruct promised holiday peace!

Then when the stalker somehow gets into your house,

And moves your computer to take away your mouse,

And leaves on your whiteboard some obscene ‘masterpiece’—

Such things obstruct promised holiday peace!

When the words cut, when the deeds harm,

When you’re overwhelmed,

Remember December comes but once a year—

And soon it will go away!

When the words cut, when the deeds harm,

When you’re overwhelmed,

Thank God that December comes but once a year—

And next one’s twelve months away!

Something to crow about

Context: Perhaps the most demeaning rejection I received in my application process to doctoral work in philosophy came from good ole UW (where I dearly wished to go), who took great pains in their rejection letter to tell me I was less-than qualified to attend their illustrious program.

Well, here I am writing my dissertation for Purdue.

And Now the News:

November 27, 2007

Purdue doctoral programs rank in top 10

WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. – Eleven Purdue University doctoral programs placed in the top 10 of the Chronicle of Higher Education’s 2007 Top Research Universities Faculty Scholar Productivity Index.

The third annual index compiled overall institutional rankings on doctoral degree programs at 375 universities. The rankings are based on measures of faculty productivity. This includes the number of published books and journal articles, as well as how often other scholars cite faculty members’ works. The number of awards and honors and the amount of grant money also is part of the criteria.

Purdue programs placed in the top 10 in the following areas:

• Communication and communication studies, ranked second

• Information technology/information systems, ranked second

• Pharmacy, ranked third

• Speech and hearing sciences, ranked third

• Philosophy, ranked fourth

• Computational sciences, ranked fifth

• Horticulture, ranked fifth

• Agronomy and crop sciences, ranked sixth

• General engineering, ranked sixth

• Electrical engineering, ranked 10th

• Various programs in family and human sciences also ranked third, eighth, ninth and 10th.

The index is a collaboration between the Chronicle of Higher Education and Academic Analytics, a company owned in part by the State University of New York at Stony Brook.

Writer: Amy Patterson Neubert, (765) 494-9723, apatterson@purdue.edu

A Billion Dollar Ringtone

Just thought somebody might be interested in these. I find them hilariously satiric.

Tech Support: A farce in one act

Lights on to a doctoral candidate in philosophy. She’s clearly intelligent, articulate, and computer savvy. She’s sitting at a desk surrounded by technical books and computer paraphenelia, including two towers, two monitors, two keyboards–indeed, a veritable Noah’s Ark of computerdom.

She seems a bit miffed, however. After some browsing, she hunts down an 866 number whereby she can contact Yahoo! customer service.

<music> Ya-HOOOO! </music> Thank you for calling Yahoo customer service. We’re shocked you found a way to reach us, and frankly, we’re embarassed. We thought we had done a better job of concealing our human presence behind our company behemoth, especially since we were taken over by Microsoft-brained minions. We’ll do our very best to change this as quickly as possible. Until then, however, we thank you very much for your time, and appreciate you holding for the next sixty days until one of our two part-time employees, located in the Phillipines, can learn enough English to assist you.

<really bad and loud telephone music>

<static>

If you have a billing problem, press one. If you forgot your password, press two. If you have a problem with your LaunchCast player press three. There are no other options. If we didn’t answer it on the help.yahoo.com page, and if the option is not listed on this menu, then the problem doesn’t exist. We’re not listening. La La La.

Bonjee presses zero numerous times, knowing from experience that the machine will eventually send her to a representative.

 I didn’t understand that request. I’m going to connect you to the least capable representative as a punishment for your erroneous and selfish belief that you should get service for products you buy.

<a lot more really loud and really bad music>

Hello, Yahoo customer service. What is your name, Yahoo ID, personal secret information, and zip code from 12 years ago when you created this Yahoo account please?

Bonjee gives the requisite information.

Even though I am carefully using my happy helpful voice, I am annoyed you remembered all that, because now I have run out of excuses not to help you. So what seems to be the problem?

I cannot log into my account. I have Verizon DSL in a linked account with Verizon Yahoo. You will notice that I have had a Yahoo account since Yahoo first started offering email, and I have not had problems until today. However, after I logged into my Verizon account and paid my bill, I tried to log into my Yahoo email, and the site would not allow me in. I cannot log in. I have not changed my password, nothing new has been downloaded onto my machine, no firewalls or such have been altered. But two hours ago, I was logged in, and now I cannot get in at all. The log in page refreshes ad infinitum. And when I do actually hit “stop” such that the page ceases refreshing so that I can enter my data, it redirects me to the generic Yahoo! page as if I have not logged in.

I see. Ma’am, what happens when you log in?

I cannot log in. That’s the problem. The site will not let me log in.

I see. Try logging into Yahoo via my.yahoo.com.

I have tried that. It does not matter which Yahoo service I attempt to access. I cannot log in. I have tried My Yahoo, I’ve tried LaunchCast, and I’ve tried my email. I cannot log in.

I see. I am so very sorry for your trouble. Have you tried completely removing all internet security settings so that any dextrous troll could access your account?

No, I haven’t tried that. Hang on.

Follow these very long and detailed instructions.

Yes, got it. Done it all.

I am annoyed, since you are not supposed to know more about your computer than I do. But I still speak very politely and with a smile in my heavily-accented voice both because I must feed my family of seventeen on today’s three dollars, and because it makes me feel all warm inside to know that the longer I work with you, the more I will irritate the thirty-seven others on hold.  Try closing your browser and opening it again. Do that six times silently, and on the seventh time, give a great shout. Does this work?

Uh, no, sorry. Tried that already.

Okay. Can I log into your account?

If you must.

Yes, I see you actually have an account with us. Oh, and you have a lot of unread email. Do you want to know how to delete email or unsubscribe from unwanted email lists?

No. I am fine with the email I receive. I just want to be able to log in.

I see. May I have permission to log out of your account?

 Yes. Please do.

Well, do you have anything else I can help you with?

You haven’t helped me with anything yet. I still cannot log in.

Oh, I see. I am so sorry for this inconvenience; please hold for a very long time and listen to my very favorite very loud annoying telephone hold music while I go use the facilities, which are in a building three blocks from here. One moment please.

<as promised, very loud, very annoying music, that would do NPR proud>

While on hold, Bonjee tries to grade homework. But the music makes her perhaps a wee bit less understanding and benevolent than she might have been otherwise.

Sorry about that, but are you still holding? You are? Really? I wasn’t expecting you to stick around, because usually people don’t like to hang out this long waiting. Let us try something else. Please close everything you have open on your computer. Then turn your computer off. Turn it on again. How about now?

No, sorry that doesn’t work.

I am completely abashed. I will now blame you, and tell you that Yahoo is not responsible for this. What browser are you using? IE? It is all Microsoft’s fault. Do you have Mozilla? True, you won’t ever be able to use your LaunchCast on Mozilla, but you’d at least be able to access all our FREE content. We wouldn’t mind you continuing to pay for your music subscription, though.

I do not have access to a computer that has Mozilla installed. But you see, this shouldn’t be relevent. Two hours ago, I was in my account, happy as a little clam in shallow waters. Nothing changed on my computer. I did not upgrade my browser. Everything is identical to what it was this morning, only now I cannot get into my account. It is not my browser—there is no good reason for this to happen.

I am going to be very, very quiet, now, and pretend that your telephone dropped the call. Maybe if I stay very silent, you will hang up. I am thinking happy thoughts. There’s no place like home; there’s no place like home. Oh, I think she heard me breathe. I’ll hit the mute button, too. Now I’ll be very quiet, like a fish.

Hello? Hello? Darn it, they dropped the call!

Bonjee calls back, and gets another representative, who speaks even worse English than the first. After repeating the entire sequence above, almost verbatim, the following transpires:

Oh, I see. And what happens when you log into your account?

I cannot log into my account. That is the problem.

Do you have any problems with your billing?

No, I specifically said that I had a problem logging in.

I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am a billing representative. You need technical support.

Is there no one else there who can help with this problem? I called this very number moments ago.

No, ma’am. We only do billing here. But if you go to the help.yahoo.com page, and click on mail, then on customer service, need reply.

Yes, I’m there. But it requires me to log in, first.

Yes, that’s fine. Send them your problem, and they will help you as soon as they can.

The problem is that I cannot log in.

Oh, I see. Have you tried turning off your computer, unplugging all electrical appliances within a fifty-yard radius, and sprinkling the neighborhood trees with holy water?

Yes. While I was on hold. That didn’t work, either.

I am speaking slowly now in a very nice nice voice. Clearly, ma’am, this is entirely your fault. It is your computer; it is all you. Yahoo is infallible. I only know what they tell me to know. And I do billing. We are the Borg. Your problem is not with billing, LaunchCast, or your password, so you have no problem that is related to Yahoo. La La La.

Is there no other number I can call in order to get tech support?

We are tech support. You can contact us via help.yahoo.com, and clicking on ‘contact us’. We will send you an email to your Yahoo account.

So there is nobody there competent to help me determine what is going on.

It is your problem. Your browser. Your computer. Your issue. Yahoo has no problems in that category. La La La. I will now be very silent. Ooops, you dropped the call!

I see. How about I hang up now, since you are incapable of helping me, and allow you to pretend to help somebody that has a billing problem?

I am pretending I have already hung up. I will be quiet as a fish. I am even holding my breath.

Bonjee hangs up. After two hours of tinkering around, she figures out the problem. It wasn’t her browser. Scene fades as Bonjee types up a blog entry while listening to her LaunchCast station.